Posted on January 20, 2009
I admit, I was a little disheartened when I realized that my experience when it comes to this historical and amazing day, is much different than I would have liked. I am, at heart and soul, an educator. And it was painful to me to sit at home, in this days of all days, with a child who can’t possibly understand what all of this means. I wanted to explain to her how far we have come, as a country, as a society, and as a consciousness. I wanted to share this with SOMEBODY, anybody.
But, instead I sat with my child while she was playing, and I listened to CNN in the background. But, while she was playing, I listened to her, too. I listened as she comforted her “babies” using the same words I use to comfort her. I listened to her explain right and wrong to her dolls. I listened to her tell me her alphabet, count forward and backward from ten, and identify her basic shapes. I listened to her tell me how she loves me. And I appreciated extra kisses and hugs. And I payed attention to HER experiences. (she loved the parade) And I listened to what she was observing and what she was thinking. I realized that not only am I creating a human, I am creating a “character.” One who knows right from wrong, one that is well rounded, one who appreciates all aspect of life. I am creating the future. I might even be creating a leader.
Suddenly, I feel at peace. I am doing what I can for the future of this country by nourishing the character of my CHILD. I am raising the future, one person at a time. It just so happens that the person I am focusing on is my own child. And I am okay with that.
I may not be where I thought I would be. But I am where I WANT to be.
And five years from now, Chloe and I will discuss what happened today. And she will have an extra understanding because I was paying attention. I am keeping track, and in some ways, score. And when I look back on my life, I won’t regret not being THERE. I will appreciate that I was HERE.
Posted on January 11, 2009
Yes, we are home.
We had one of the best airplane flights I have ever been on, they had “video on demand” with a bunch of kids movies. Chloe was happy, I was happy, John watched a Lord of the Rings Marathon, so he was happy. The only thing that could have made it a better flight was if the food actually tasted life food, instead of dirt.
Our plan to beat jet lag:
1) Chloe didn’t sleep on the plane but slept when we got home, which we will call a “nap” even though for us it was 10:00pm.
2) We wake her up just long enough to have dinner, play with her toys for a bit, then into the bath and back to bed, which will get her in bed around 7:30 pm New Jersey time. (Trust me, she is as tired as we are, she asked to go take a bath after only being up for 15 minutes.)
3) I will NOT ALLOW her to get up super early. That’s it, putting my foot down, no early rising for me!
Tomorrow, she goes back to school, and we have to start over with potty training. (Okay, so not OVER, she used the potty’s in Italy, but they freaked her out a little, so we lost some of her consistency, and in the end we all just kid of gave up.)
Back to the daily grind. It will feel weird, Chloe and I haven’t been really home since Thanksgiving. I wonder if we’ll remember what it means to NOT travel?
Oh, and John’s working on the pictures. We have a ton, so its going to take awhile to get them uploaded.
Posted on December 18, 2008
And for once, I don’t mean me. Muh wa ha ha ha.
Prelude: About a year ago, my brother decided to come out an visit me. Not a huge deal, he had visited before. I talked to him on the phone, and he said, “Yeah, so I’ll see you Thursday.” I thought he meant THAT Thursday. Turns out he meant a WEEK from Thursday.
So, THAT Thursday, I show up to the airport with my eighteen month old.
Issue # 1: I realize that I locked my keys in the car. So, as I am going into the airport to pick up my brother, I call John and ask him to bring me my spare set of keys.
Issue #2: Lance doesn’t arrive at his regularly scheduled flight. I call him, no answer. I talk to the flight desk, they insist that not only did the flight arrive on time, but that all the luggage had been accounted for and that no one was missing. I call my brother, asking him why he wasn’t on the flight. Finally, an hour later, he gets back to me, “Uh, Tiff, I’m coming in NEXT week.”
Well shit.
John shows up with the spare key, and I have to admit that I have to come back the next week to pick my brother up because I have the wrong week.
Issue #3: When this happened, I still wasn’t all that familiar with the airport area, and didn’t really know how to get home. John said, “follow me.” So, I tried. But he drove too fast and I couldn’t keep up. I soon realized I was heading towards New York, and I was hopelessly lost. WITH Chloe in the back seat. Plus, she hadn’t had dinner or a diaper change, and it was getting late.
So, I called John, and told him, “I’m lost. I am at a gas station somewhere. Please, don’t ask me where.”
After much trial and error, it quickly became clear the he was never going to find me. So he gave me some vague directions on how to get home from the airport and I was finally able to follow them.
6 hours later, I was home, without my brother, who was coming in the following week.
SO : HOW IS THIS NOT ABOUT ME?
Tonight, John called me as we were heading home from seeing Santa. It was about 8:15 mountain time. We were talking, and I mentioned that I had told Ellen I might see her on Friday play group, but now that I really thought about it, it didn’t make sense because I will have only gotten in at 5 AM and play group started at 9:30.
John: Why is that an issue, you will have had an whole day to recuperate.
Me: What do you mean, we get in at 5 am, play group is at 9:30.
John: Yes, you get in at 5:00am on Thursday, play group is on Friday.
Me: Uh, no. I leave at midnight on THURSDAY, and get in at 5 on FRIDAY
John: I think your wrong.
Me: Wednesday would mean I leave tonight, in like a half an hour.
John: Yes, I am planning on getting you from the airport TOMORROW at 5 am.
Me: NO FUCKING WAY!
John: Uh, yes.
Me: OH SHIT, I THOUGHT I WAS LEAVING TOMORROW.
John: Okay, I will look it up, but I am pretty sure I am getting you tomorrow morning.
While John is looking it up, my thoughts were: “WHOLLY FUCKING SHIT, I STILL HAVEN’T PACKED, OR DONE LAUNDRY! I HAVE NO ONE TO TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT. SARA AND MATT WILL HAVE TO TAKE ME, I WILL HAVE TO HAVE MY MOM SHIP ALL MY CLOTHES BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIME TO PACK.” Of course I assumed I was in error. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to dates.
John: Oops. I guess I had it wrong. You were right. Well shit, I have an extra day, I am going to go play Guitar Hero.
Me: YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK. NEVER NEVER NEVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!!!!
John: Go out. Relax. Go have a beer.
Me: i plan to. go suck it.
(okay, so I didn’t say that last part. But I really really wanted to.)
For closure, after I screwed up so badly with my brother’s trip, John bought me a GPS. Of all the presents I have ever received in my ENTIRE LIFE, that was the best one. If your loved ones don’t already own one, and you are looking for an idea, GET IT. It has literally changed my life.
Oh, and I had a great time tonight with Matt and Sara. You guys rock. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Posted on December 12, 2008
A couple of days ago, I was at the local Starbucks and the guy serving the coffee (Barista? whatever the male term is) was being so nice that I thought, “Hey, this guy is flirting with me!” This caught me off guard, because he had to have been at least ten years younger than I am.
This has now happened to me several times since: the waiter at Old Chicago’s, the usher at the movie theater, and the guy who rang up my new shirt at Old Navy. I was confused because I seriously needed a hair cut and I have the remnants of a cold sore. Surely, no one would find me attractive right now. And yet, I kept thinking that they were flirting, they were just so overly nice.
Then I had the embarrassing revelation that they weren’t flirting, it’s just that we are in Colorado where every one is really nice and friendly. I have gotten so accustomed to the abrupt and sometimes rude nature of New Jersean’s that I had convinced myself that nobody is that nice unless they are flirting.
Sigh, am I becoming one of them? Please, say it ain’t so!
Posted on December 9, 2008
Before you can get a job as a teacher, you have to do a right of passage called “Student Teaching.” The basic idea is they match you with a “seasoned” teacher who mentors you while you practice all those fabulous skills they taught you in college, and you pay them to work full time as a teacher. My experience was a little different. My mentor was one year from retirement, and thought this would be an excellent time to take a vacation. She allowed me the honor of taking over her classes. Needless to say, it was quite stressful and there was no way I was going to be able to have a serious job where I could make some serious money. So, my sister hooked me up with a gig as a hostess at Joe’s Crab Shack.
I was a really GOOD hostess; I am an organized and methodical person, and I have even been known to be friendly on occasion. The only problem with the job was I made next to nothing for an hourly wage, and a piddly amount for tip share. I was living at home, so I didn’t need a whole lot of money, but I didn’t want to live at home forever.
My first teaching job was at an alternative school. I wasn’t a salaried teacher, I was a “mini-course instructor.” Which basically meant an hourly wage and no benefits, but all the responsibilities of a teacher. To put this into perspective, I made $15,000 my first year of teaching. Obviously, I needed to keep working at Joe’s. And, in my infinite wisdom, I decided that I could make more money as a server, so I took the test and switched positions.
I was a TERRIBLE server. I would forget orders, I couldn’t carry the trays because of my back, and I SUCK at math, I certainly can’t do it in my head. I had never experienced this level of failure before, and it was rough on me. I think I lasted about a month, then I quit and started tutoring kids who had been expelled from school. It was a much easier job!
Last night I had the weirdest dream:
It started with John and I taking Chloe and her friend to the movies. (By friend I mean nameless girl that isn’t really Chloe’s friend, but for the sake of the dream we’ll go with it.) Chloe and her friend got bored, so I ended up taking them out of the theater into the lobby. Somehow, Chloe’s friend got a hold of a dot painter, and painted her shirt blue. I took both girl’s into the bathroom to clean her up, and they both decided they needed to pee. (Again, understandable considering we are in the throes of potty training.) And this is where things get weird.
Chloe’s friend decided she wanted to take a swim in the toilet, and before I could stop her, she dove in. Freaking out, I pulled her out of the toilet and tried to clean her up in the sink.
The movie let out, and John and I took the girls back to Joe’s (and this is where it all comes together) to meet up with the girl’s mom and brother. I desperately tried to explain why her child was covered in paint and smelled like pee. Then John and Chloe disappeared (or maybe they went home) and the manager came over and handed me my Joe’s shirt. I tried to explain that it had been a few years since I worked there, but I thought I could still handle it.
The mother and the kids sat in my section, and ordered their food. I realized right away I was going to have to write it down or I was never going to remember what they ordered. I scrambled around looking for a pen and something to write on. I finally found a pen and a napkin, and went back to the table. They placed their order and I went over to place it in the computer. It had been so long since I worked there, I couldn’t remember the table number. I got them their drinks, and then went off to figure out what table they were at. I ran into my friend Brenda (whom I haven’t seen since our 10 year high school reunion. I would tell you how long ago that was, but it would make me cry) who also worked there (not in real life, just in my dream.) She told me she was too busy to help, and went about her business.
Then the annoying mom, and yes I was annoyed by her at this time, decided to switch sections which pissed off the server in the section she moved to. I was still trying to find someone, anyone, who would give me a list of table numbers. Finally, I convinced the sous chef (who looked like Hawk from 21 Jump Street, don’t ask) to give me a list. Instead, all he gave me was the worksheet they give new hires to learn the tables, in other words, it was blank.
This was about the time I noticed that the annoying mom’s food was ready and I had to deliver it to her table. I tried to line the plates on my arms to deliver it, but I just couldn’t get the balance right. I grabbed a bus boy and talked him into helping me.
Then I woke up.
Why, WHY do I keep having these dreams?
Posted on November 25, 2008
One of the things I love about being at my parents house is the absolute absence of “should be’s.” At home, when Chloe is napping or at school, I always feel like I should be doing something productive. Should be doing the dishes, laundry, reading, whatever. But here, there is no should be’s. I should be sitting here on this sofa waiting for my baby to wake up. I should be relaxing, cat napping, watching cheesy movies. I should be lazy. And that’s what I am doing. Being 100% lazy, and enjoying EVERY MINUTE OF IT.
Which, is why I am not writing.
But, I’ll get back to it. As soon as I am done chillin’.
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