Posted on November 16, 2008
I usually don’t do meme’s. Quite honestly, its because it puts too much pressure on me to “perform” and the rebel in me hates that. But, this one struck a chord. Maybe it was my “Ask and You Shall Receive” review. Maybe it was Mountain Lover giving me an award and telling me to “do it.” Whatever the motivation, there may be things about me that I have tucked away when I got married and had a kid. I was thinking about this the other day. I don’t miss who I was, but it definitely influenced who I am today, and maybe I should pay homage to that part of me that I abandoned so willingly when I joined the “adulthood.”
- I used to consider myself an “artist,” I drew, painted and dabbled in sculpture. But decided when I was in High School that I wasn’t skilled enough to get anywhere.
- I also wanted to be a ballerina. I was in dance for 12 years. However, this dream was derailed after my back operation.
- I was really only popular in high school because I drove a minivan. And most of my friends didn’t have a license.
- I got all of my “cough” PE credits in college doing “beginning dance” and Aerobics. Even then, I had to make up classes, so I talked my best friend, Matt, into attending aerobics at the college gym.
- I have a green belt in Karate. But, I was terrible at sparring, so I had to quit.
- I LOVE kick boxing, but I have never sparred.
- My freshman year of college, I was a drama major. I realized very quickly that I wasn’t good enough to compete with my classmates, and changed my major to English.
- I actually enjoy cleaning house. Not every day, but if I have good music, and loads of free time, I really enjoy dancing while vacuuming, dusting, and wiping things down.
- I got my first job as a teacher after a substitute saw me teach a special needs class (while I was doing my student teaching) and thought I would be perfect for the job. She called Intercept (the alternative school I started in) and recommended me.
- The only time I taught general education was when I was doing my student teaching.
- I used to smoke. Sadly enough, I started smoking when I was 17 because, literally, “all my friends were doing it.” And, I hated it. So, I decided, rather than to fight it, I would join in.
- John and Karate helped me quite smoking. John hated it, and I couldn’t compete in Karate as a smoker.
- Even though I say I chose “Chloe” because it is a Greek name, and is another name for Demeter, who is the Goddess of the harvest and Persephone’s mom, I really got it from watching Smallville. I always loved the “Chloe Sullivan” character, because she was really smart and she wasn’t afraid to show it.
- I was named after a Bond girl, Tiffany Chase, from Diamonds are Forever.
- I used to be obsessed with actors James Dean, Marilyn Monroe and Marlon Brando.
That’s all I have for now. Tag, your it.
Posted on November 13, 2008
Mine, is Best Buy.
I worked in the Best Buy customer service department for four years during college. It was a perfect college job because it didn’t require a whole lot of thought, or commitment, and I could transfer back and forth between Fort Collins and Aurora. However, it was no picnic. If you want a hard cold look at the psyche of the American consumer, work in customer service.
Oddly enough, I think it actually prepared me for my work with difficult children. Anybody who has worked in costumer service can tell you that it can be stressful. Customers can be unreasonable, rude, and at times violent. I actually had a lady throw a phone at me once, a phone that was AT LEAST five years old and there was NO WAY it was still under warranty. I also had security escort out another customer because the printer he sent to service came back saying that the warranty had been voided due to something he had done to it. This is what I loved about that one, he was cussing me out at top volume, while holding his five-year-old’s hand. Excellent lesson for your son, sir.
The Christmas season was the worst. I am still traumatized, it is one of the reason I try to have all my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. People really suck at Christmas time.
One time, I was running the register because the cashiers were backed up, and we literally had every register manned. There was a guy in line who was bitching to his kid. “Pay attention, this is what happens when you don’t have a college education, you end becoming a cashier for minimum wage. You’d think they would try to find people who could actually do the job. Jeez this is taking forever. Maybe they should train these people better so the lines wouldn’t be so long,” and on and on and on. The funny thing is, the hold up wasn’t me, it was the little old lady three customers in front of him who was counting out the change down to the penny. When he finally got to my register, I told him off. I explained to him that I was in college and this job was helping to pay for it, I had plenty of training and was actually a senior in the customer service department, and if he didn’t want to wait in line, he shouldn’t shop during one of the busiest times of the season. He asked to see a manager, and I said, “I don’t think that’s going to get you out of here any faster.” Luckily, my manager was nearby and had heard the exchange, he totally backed me up and suggested that the guy find another store if he didn’t like the way things were run at Best Buy.
Why am I telling you about this?
Last night I had a dream where John, Chloe, and I moved to New York. We were living in a tiny apartment and couldn’t afford the rent, so I had to go back to work at Best Buy. I was in the warehouse listening to the drone go on and on about where everything was, and I felt so old and out of place. But, at the same time, I knew the ropes so there was a sense of superiority. A feeling of “I got this.” When I woke up, I was surprised to find myself in my bedroom in New Jersey. It seemed SO real!
I think the dream was brought about by my PTSD when it comes to the Christmas shopping season. They’ve already started playing the music in the stores, and it triggered the fear of having to return to working in retail. I would do it if I had to, but MAN it would be painful!
Posted on November 9, 2008
Phew. I made it another year. Of what? You ask. Life.
And here is where I am at.
Birthday’s were WAY more exciting when I actually wanted tangible recognition of age. This is no longer the case. Now that I have officially reached so called “adulthood” (as if) it is WAY more exciting for me to enjoy the new experiences of my daughter.
Therefore:
We spent my birthday at Playhouse Disney.
John was able to get FREE tickets through work, otherwise we wouldn’t have gone. But free is free, and Chloe LOVES the Little Einsteins with a fiery passion.
Much to our surprise, there are many OTHER characters in the Playhouse Disney line up. We don’t watch live TV. The only TV show Chloe watches is the Little Einsteins because we record it. She has a couple of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofey, and Tigger stuffed toys. But, other than being at a friend’s house when it was on, has NEVER seen the shows. I think it is possible we saw a Winnie the Pooh show at Mama and Papa’s house, and I am positive she has NO IDEA who Hanny Manny is. So, she was overjoyed to see the Little Einsteins characters, but was a little confused by the rest. When Pooh came on, she said, “Wook, Mommy, a bear!”
All in all, she loved it because it had dancing, pretty lights, and lots and lots of music. But, I am trying to decide how I feel about that fact she didn’t recognize the other characters. Part of me feels a sense of pride because she has latched on to a show that I feel has actual merit. The other part of me, again, worries that she is missing out on a very important level of pop culture.
Seth loves Diego. I think it is safe to say that Chloe has never seen a Diego show. Jacob is infatuated with Mickey Mouse and Goofey. Again, I don’t think that Chloe has ever seen a Mickey Mouse show from start to finish. Julia wants to BE Minnie Mouse, and WAS for Halloween. Chloe decided to be a pirate.
It amazes me, still, how different our children’s lives can be depending on what we choose to show them on television.
I am not going to say Chloe doesn’t watch TV. Because, that would be a bold faced LIE! But, she watches movies. We have an extensive selection of Disney, Dreamworks, and Pixar movies. She has probably seen movies that most children her age have never seen! (Cough: Incredibles, one of John and my ALL TIME FAVORITES)
Therefore, she can’t sing the title song to Mickey’s Clubhouse, but she can sing along with Ariel.
And, she was beside herself to see the Einstein’s Live! All the other kids where like: “Look, its MICKEY MOUSE!” Chloe was like, “Wook, Leo! Mommy, Wook ANNIE, Mommy wook QUINCY! Mommy, wook JUNE!” Then Rocket appeared on stage and I flashed back to when I saw Micheal Jackson for the first time. Yeah, it was that dramatic.
So, no. I didn’t celebrate me on my birthday. What I did was WAY better.
Posted on October 22, 2008
As I sit here, on my slightly stained sofa, I look around at the chaos that one two year old, two cats, and two adults can create if things aren’t kept in check. I have toys littering the floor (even though we picked up before naptime) laundry waiting in the laundry basket, dishes waiting in the sink, and a plan to order pizza for dinner. My house looks like a tornado ran through it.
Now, I know Ellen is not going to believe me, she always insists that my house is always so clean. But, if she were here right now, she would understand that even I, organization queen and self confessed type A, can have an off week. Or an off month. Sigh.
When I was about seven months pregnant, John and I decided to hire a maid. Our house responsibilities are pretty equal, we always had this understanding that he took care of the outside of the house and any of the general maintenance, and I took care of the laundry and cleaning. Cooking we shared until I became a SAHM. But, when I was seven months pregnant, we decided we were going to move to New Jersey and put our house on the market. There was NO WAY I was going to be able to work full time, and keep the house in the condition it needed to be to “show” well during open houses and random realitor visits when I was as large as a planet.
I loved Mary. To me, she was more than just a hired maid, she was a miracle worker. She could clean my entire house up to the standards that I felt it should be in two hours flat. The exact level of cleanliness that it took me four to five hours to do by myself. I always joked about how I wanted to follow her to see exactly how she did it.
It’s no longer a joke. I really wish I knew all of her “trick’s of the trade.” When I deep clean my house, it takes me HOURS and I just don’t have the energy or the time to devote to keeping it up. And yet, here I am again, annoyed that things aren’t exactly the way I want them. Wishing I had enough money to justify the cost of a monthly maid. And knowing that this is all on me.
Sigh. Okay, I am done feeling sorry for myself. Here’s a moment of levity:
Chloe is “sharing” her animals with Legolas. She threw this cow at him because she was afraid to get to close.
Posted on October 10, 2008
I know I may be one of the few, but I loved High School. Sure, I went through all the normal teenage angst. My parents didn’t understand me, I was the only one in the world who felt that way, yadda yadda yadda. Even with all the typical turmoil, I loved my high school experience.
See, in my high school, social groups were fluid. I had my core “group,” but within that group we had many subsets. Plus, I was a total theater geek. Which in most high school means that I would qualify as a social outcast. But, in my high school, theater was THE thing to do. We had jocks, cheerleaders, druggies, techies, musicians, dancers, and hangers on (me). Cast parties where the hottest ticket in town, and since I drove a minivan, I was VERY used popular.
I did live in a bubble though. I knew the people I knew, and I didn’t really try to get to know anyone else. I was AMAZED when I went to my ten year high school reunion, and all these people knew who I was. The kids I would have classified as “popular” or whatever came up to me asking how I was doing and what was going on in my life. People I don’t actually think I shared even a single conversation with in high school.
And now, through Facebook, I am again astonished at how many people knew me AND remember who I am.
I was never in the “popular” group, I was only in a couple of the plays, I took honors courses but never qualified as a true “academic.” And yet, I guess I floated enough between all of these groups that people remember me. I just recently contacted another one of the drama geeks that I was kind of friends with in high school through Facebook. I always expect people to say, “Uh…and you were?” And yet that has NEVER happened.
I guess now that we are ten (almost 15, yikes) years from those times, we are just curious. What happened to so and so? What are you doing now? How did you get here from there? These are burning questions. We have all had adventures, unique and not so much, and now we can all sit back and look at each others lives with more respect and understanding then we ever did in high school.
If you were to ask me ten (okay, fifteen) years ago that I would be communicated with some of the people I now talk to regularly, I would have rolled my eyes and said, “Yah, whatever.” And yet, here I am. Looking at others profiles, wondering, “What did YOU do that got you where you are?”
The astonishing thing is, they are wondering the same thing about me.
Posted on October 8, 2008
One of the things the reviewer of my blog mentioned was that I seemed bored and I should go back to what I was doing two years ago, whatever that was. Well, I thought a lot about that. Actually, I have been thinking a lot about that over the last few months. But to really digest it, I need to go back about five years.
(Cue flashback music sequence)
Five years ago, I was still working in the day treatment facility, and I was getting more and more frustrated. I was watching my program disintegrate EVERY time we brought a new student into the mix. I think a professor I had in college said it best, “If you have a student that bites, and you put them in a room with five other students who bite, kick, fight, cuss and are rude, you develop a kid who bites, kicks, fights, cusses and is rude.” And its true. We would have a group of relatively innocent students, we would bring in a kid who did drugs or was sexually promiscuous, and suddenly all the kids where doing drugs or having sex. I saw a major flaw in the way we were running things.
Add to that, my commute was becoming more and more unbearable.
As day treatment costs were becoming even more astronomical, many of the public schools were opting to create their own programs within the schools with the hope they could avoid “farming the kids out.” I was offered my own program at a brand new middle school, and I jumped at the chance. I mean, this was my DREAM job and I thought it was finally going to be my chance to actually make a difference.
Well, I quickly realized that even though the district was in support of my program, the administration and the staff at the school still believed that students with behavioral issues should be kicked out of the classroom. So, I fought for THREE years trying to get respect, and trying to convince teachers who had been teaching 30+ years that my way of doing things was better then just kicking the kid out of the class. I had some supporters, especially in the special education department, and I eventually won the respect from the administration. But, every day I had to but heads with teachers who not only wanted my kid gone, but they wanted me gone, too. To say it was a hostile work environment would be an understatement.
When I finally got pregnant, I knew that I wanted to stay home. Not only because I thought it was best for my family, but because I was on a downward spiral professionally. The teachers, not the students, knocked all the fight out of me.
I was always very passionate about teaching. I thought it was one of the most noble professions one could enter into. We certainly don’t get paid enough for the crap we go through, and so people who do it must be in it because they love kids as much as I do, right? Well, it turns out that isn’t necessarily true. My blind idealism slowly bled away those three years at the middle school. I limped out of there, and I wasn’t sure if I would EVER go back.
When it comes right down to it, I am a type A personality who ran my own program in one form or another for 6 of the 8 years of my professional life. Now I am planning play dates and coming up with lesson plans for a toddler. I would be lying if I said I don’t get bored.
But my other life, though not boring, was destroying me. I am okay with being a little bored and boring for awhile. I feel like I am slowly recharging my batteries, and when Chloe goes to school full time, I will be ready to advocate for kids with disabilities again. In the mean time, I am going to embrace my reality as it is now. And, just maybe, try to get a hobby or something.
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