Those Jobs That Haunt Us: Part Two

Posted on December 9, 2008

Before you can get a job as a teacher, you have to do a right of passage called “Student Teaching.”  The basic idea is they match you with a “seasoned” teacher who mentors you while you practice all those fabulous skills they taught you in college, and you pay them to work full time as a teacher.  My experience was a little different.  My mentor was one year from retirement, and thought this would be an excellent time to take a vacation.  She allowed me the honor of taking over her classes.  Needless to say, it was quite stressful and there was no way I was going to be able to have a serious job where I could make some serious money.  So, my sister hooked me up with a gig as a hostess at Joe’s Crab Shack.

I was a really GOOD hostess; I am an organized and methodical person, and I have even been known to be friendly on occasion.  The only problem with the job was I made next to nothing for an hourly wage, and a piddly amount for tip share.  I was living at home, so I didn’t need a whole lot of money, but I didn’t want to live at home forever.

My first teaching job was at an alternative school.  I wasn’t a salaried teacher, I was a “mini-course instructor.”  Which basically meant an hourly wage and no benefits, but all the responsibilities of a teacher.  To put this into perspective, I made $15,000 my first year of teaching.  Obviously, I needed to keep working at Joe’s.  And, in my infinite wisdom, I decided that I could make more money as a server, so I took the test and switched positions.

I was a TERRIBLE server.  I would forget orders, I couldn’t carry the trays because of my back, and I SUCK at math, I certainly can’t do it in my head.  I had never experienced this level of failure before, and it was rough on me.  I think I lasted about a month, then I quit and started tutoring kids who had been expelled from school.  It was a much easier job!

Last night I had the weirdest dream:

It started with John and I taking Chloe and her friend to the movies.  (By friend I mean nameless girl that isn’t really Chloe’s friend, but for the sake of the dream we’ll go with it.)  Chloe and her friend got bored, so I ended up taking them out of the theater into the lobby.  Somehow, Chloe’s friend got a hold of a dot painter, and painted her shirt blue.  I took both girl’s into the bathroom to clean her up, and they both decided they needed to pee.  (Again, understandable considering we are in the throes of potty training.)  And this is where things get weird.

Chloe’s friend decided she wanted to take a swim in the toilet, and before I could stop her, she dove in.  Freaking out, I pulled her out of the toilet and tried to clean her up in the sink.

The movie let out, and John and I took the girls back to Joe’s (and this is where it all comes together) to meet up with the girl’s mom and brother.  I desperately tried to explain why her child was covered in paint and smelled like pee.  Then John and Chloe disappeared (or maybe they went home) and the manager came over and handed me my Joe’s shirt.  I tried to explain that it had been a few years since I worked there, but I thought I could still handle it.

The mother and the kids sat in my section, and ordered their food.  I realized right away I was going to have to write it down or I was never going to remember what they ordered.  I scrambled around looking for a pen and something to write on.  I finally found a pen and a napkin, and went back to the table.  They placed their order and I went over to place it in the computer.  It had been so long since I worked there, I couldn’t remember the table number.  I got them their drinks, and then went off to figure out what table they were at.  I ran into my friend Brenda (whom I haven’t seen since our 10 year high school reunion.  I would tell you how long ago that was, but it would make me cry) who also worked there (not in real life, just in my dream.)  She told me she was too busy to help, and went about her business.

Then the annoying mom, and yes I was annoyed by her at this time, decided to switch sections which pissed off the server in the section she moved to.  I was still trying to find someone, anyone, who would give me a list of table numbers.  Finally, I convinced the sous chef (who looked like Hawk from 21 Jump Street, don’t ask) to give me a list.  Instead, all he gave me was the worksheet they give new hires to learn the tables, in other words, it was blank.

This was about the time I noticed that the annoying mom’s food was ready and I had to deliver it to her table.  I tried to line the plates on my arms to deliver it, but I just couldn’t get the balance right.  I grabbed a bus boy and talked him into helping me.

Then I woke up.

Why, WHY do I keep having these dreams?