Queen of Contrary
Posted on December 10, 2008
Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde is back in spades.
Chloe had been so good. However, when we came back to Colorado to help with my dad, she shifted back to where she was 6 months ago. She now says “No,” to almost everything. She screaming at me, she’s being mean to my mom, and she has truly taken on the role of “Queen of Contrary.”
If she’s watching Ponies, she wants Tinker Bell. If I put Strawberry Shortcake pajamas on her and she wants Cinderella pajamas, she throws a 20 minute fit. Yesterday, her fit was because she wanted to wear her pj’s all day and we had to get her dressed because we had to take my dad to his physical therapy. I literally had to walk out of the room because she was screaming so loud she hurt my ears. When she finally calmed down, she would only wear a particular dress because it had CInderella on it.
If she’s downstairs she wants to be upstairs, if she upstairs she wants to be down. If I make her chicken nuggets she wants grilled cheese, if I make grilled cheese she wants pancakes. If I poor her a cup of juice, she throws a fit because she wants milk, if I take the milk away to get her juice, she throws a fit because I took her milk. I can’t win, and its driving me INSANE.
I’m worried this is happening because we have disrupted her routine so bad now she feels the need to control EVERYTHING that she can. She misses her daddy, she misses school, she misses her own bed. She keeps asking if we can go to “Mommy’s house” at naptime, because she doesn’t want to nap at Papa’s house.
I am glad I came out here, I really needed to do it for me. I really feel like my parents needed me and have benefited from my help. (I even got my dad to agree to a dramatic change in his diet!) But, Chloe is losing it, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it. I think I just need to try and be as understanding as possible, and brace myself for the storm.
I just really hope we don’t have a repeat of this when we are in Italy. I am not sure I can handle being in a foreign country with a cranky toddler!
My .02 … she’s testing you to see what she can get away with. Yes, her life was interrupted but they’re flexible. Pick your battles. With the PJs, she can choose on mostly put them on herself. What does it matter as long as they’re season appropriate? Going out in PJs, again doesn’t really matter. It took me a long time to get here, but those battles just aren’t worth it.
Recently Audrey screamed about putting shoes on when we had to leave for the store. So I picked her up, put her in the car and we went. She had to ride in the cart since she didn’t have shoes. She hates riding in the cart. We haven’t had the shoe problem since.
Also, she cries and cries for me to help her at bedtime. If she asks politely she gets all the help she wants but if she yells at me or Peter about wanting me, she doesn’t get my help. It’s a natural consequence, ask nicely you get what you want.
Walking out was good. We have a new rule for both kids: no one wants to hear you scream so take it to your room. No arguing, not battling. It’s so easy to engage in a power struggle with a toddler. They lure you in.
Xanax and vodka? Best suggestion I got.
(For you, of course, not the kid)
Maybe she’s picking up on the stress and the seriousness of the situation too.
Offer options so she thinks she is making the choice. “Would you like grill cheese or nuggets?”. “Which pair of pajamas do you want to wear?” etc. Also, I agree with Catherine, if it isn’t a big deal let them go out in their pj’s. We have days where Seth wears his shoes over his pj’s. Have you noticed my son still wears his Halloween costume? Yeah, because I don’t want to fight about it. Options are the best bet in my book.
Toddlers are naturally defiant though aren’t they.