Life as we know it would never be the same.

Posted on September 11, 2008

I was in my garden level, one bedroom apartment, getting ready for work like I did every morning.  I had the radio turned to Greg and Bo and they were being funny as usual.  All of a sudden, one of them said, “We just got a report saying that an airplane flew into the World Trade Center.”

At that time, everybody seemed to assume it was an accident.  I was shocked, but I still had to go to work.  I got into my car and I listened, my hands gripped on the steering wheel, my knuckles white, trying to focus on driving and hoping that maybe it had been a mistake.  Then the announcement came on that a second plane struck.  At that point, I knew it wasn’t an accident.

I got to the Day Treatment, and the director had put the news on in our community room.  The staff sat around the couches, shocked into silence, and watched the replay over and over and over.  The kids started to trickle in as their buses arrived and we had to explain with each new batch what had happened.  Unfortunately, we couldn’t get across to these students, who had problems of their own, that this was serious.  We couldn’t get them to understand that people had DIED on those planes, and in those buildings.  I hate to say this, but some of them actually thought the images of planes flying into buildings were “cool.”

Then, we all watched in horror as the buildings collapsed.  First one, then the other.  Some of the girls screamed, I think I screamed, as they went down.  The boys finally shut up.

The staff had a quick pow wow and decided that our students needed us to carry on, business as usual.  The director pulled the set into her office and we started our school day.  I only got snippets of information during breaks between classes.  After the buses picked the kids up, the whole staff gathered in the directors office and we watched.  I vaguely remember discussing the commentary, I don’t remember what we said.

Around 5:00pm, we decided we all needed to get home, and we left.  I stopped by a liquor store and bought a six pack of beer, then went home to my lonely apartment, and watched the news until I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I didn’t know anybody who died.  I still lived in Colorado, and New York and DC seemed so far away.  I had some friends who lived in Arlington, but they let me know early on that they were okay, so I wasn’t worried.

I do distinctly remember thinking, “Life will never be the same after this.”

I knew fear would begin to rule us.  I knew people would start looking at each other with greater scrutiny, wondering if we could be trusted.  I knew, for a short time, we would all rally and support each other, we would hold up our flags and pledge our patriotism.  I knew it wasn’t going to be that long before our fear would require us to trade some of our personal freedoms for the feeling of security.  I knew that I was going to have to start answering questions from my students, I knew I wasn’t prepared to give them answers, and that there weren’t answers.

For Chloe, this will be ancient history.  Us old folks will sit around the telly, talking about where we were when the earth shook.  And she will never truly understand the fear, the horror and the grief.  And I hope that she will never have to feel these things herself.

But for us, 9/11 will NEVER be just another day.