My Half Life.
Posted on August 4, 2008
I have suffered from a mild form of insomnia since I was a teenager. It’s actually something that runs in my family. It has gotten better over the years, but there have definitely been times when, no matter how tired I was, I just couldn’t fall asleep.
As an adaptable human being, I have discovered different techniques that have helped me go to sleep. The first, reading until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. This was fine when I was a teenager, and could still function the next day if I happened to read all night. When I got into college and had a TV in my room, I watched a movie I had seen at least 100 times, because I could listen to the movie, see it in my mind, and it would shut my brain off and ease me into sleep.
Another trick I have used through the years, both when I had a tv in my room and when I didn’t, was to tell myself “stories” to help me go so sleep. Now, these stories are based in a reality that is so far removed from my own, that it helps distract me from my day to day worries long enough for my brain to shut down, and I can go to sleep. I have to admit, that my “stories” tend to be the most extreme situations I could ever even possibly imagine. A lot of them are stolen from the tv shows I watch or the books I read.
In these stories, I am either a spy, a super hero of any sort, a villain, or in another time period (Its safe to assume that this time period is in the time Austin. But, occasionally, I am in the future, somewhat similar to when Star Wars took place. OK, YES, I am that much of a dork!) Recently, in my “stories” I have been in the reality TV shows that I obsess over. I will imagine that I am the next American Idol, Design Star, Fashion designer, or I really could dance.
In any way you look at it, this “fantasy world” is beyond the world I live in. It’s possibly the world I could have lived in if I had made different choices. But, It is really the life that is so far different than my own, that it distracts me from the life I am actually leading.
Now, don’t jump to any conclusions that I am not happy or want to be somewhere else. I chose this path, and I am happy to be on it. But, every now and then, I wonder, “what if?” I mean, if I had a proclivity for foreign languages or accents and could be a spy, or what if I actually had super powers (I mean, seriously, how cool would that be!) What if my day wasn’t centered around nap schedules and play dates…What could I be?
In my mind, my options are totally unlimited.
Sometimes, this makes focusing on the “here and now” a bit difficult. When, in your mind, you are a secret agent, or can kick ass, or design the best room EVER, dance better than anyone on the planet, or sing so well that the world wonders, “Why isn’t she famous?” How do you focus on dishes, laundry and dusting? The two year old is esier to appease than your own mind. How do you ground yourself, when the only time you have absolute freedom is in your imagination?