2 and 12

Posted on June 13, 2008

When I was a teacher, I worked with kids who were between the ages of 11-17.  I always joked with their parents that there was very little difference between a two year old, and a twelve year old when it came to emotional development.  I was right on quite a few fronts.

1) two year olds and twelve year olds believe that the world should revolve around them, especially if it doesn’t.

2)  Both are going through a strange transitional period where for the two year olds, they aren’t babies any more, but they aren’t big kids either.  With 12 year olds, they aren’t kids anymore, but they haven’t crossed over into being teenagers.

3)  Independence is of vital importance, except when they need help, and then its not.

4)  They know EVERYTHING.  And any suggestion an adult makes is suspect.

5)  They have absolutely no control over their emotions, especially anger and frustration.  They also have very little ability to express these emotions in any other way then tantrums.  The only difference is, you can carry a two year old out of a restaurant.

6)  Logic does not apply.  Cause and effect are foreign concepts invented by the MAN!

7)  Impulse control does not exist!  “If I want it, I should get it,” becomes the catalyst for most behaviors.  “If I feel it, I should say it,”  Is also popular.

8)  Pride rules over all.  You wouldn’t think that a two year old has pride.  Well, they don’t have a word for it, but I think the fierce independence is ruled by an immature sense of pride.  Where as a 12 year old has this uncontrollable need to prove themselves, as a teenager, as independent, as better than the weakest kid next to them.

9)  Single mindedness.  This is that bizarre, obsessive quality where a two year old will watch the same tv show or movie 150 times, and a 12 year old will collect, read, and watch all things related to their favorite subject.

10)  Selective hearing.  A two year old can pretend they don’t understand the words, where as a 12 year old pretends they don’t hear them.

Of course there are differences.  But the similarities are strong enough, that I think I have developed a way to handle my toddler.  Here’s hoping I actually know what I am doing.  (Another way of saying this is, “Please oh please don’t let me screw up my kid!)